Movin' across town!

I'm moving my blog to a new location. This one has served me well. But, it's time for a new stage in my life and some new exposure. I can now be found at:
http://mikehelbert.com/
The site is in its infancy. However, I exported the posts from this blog so that they will be readily available to me, and you, over there.
For those who have been following me, it'll be a fun adventure.
I hope that you will join me.

Moods and the Necessity of Keeping On

Again, it's been awhile since I posted anything here. Honestly, I just haven't felt like sitting in front of my computer and creating something that I think someone...anyone...would want to read. Now, for someone who enjoys writing, that can present quite a dilemma. What happens when a writer just doesn't feel like writing? I don't know. What happens when a doctor doesn't feeling like 'doctoring'? Ok, that's not the same. But, you get what I'm alluding to. I have plenty to write about. That's not the problem. And, hopefully over the next week I'll get some of that out here. No. My issue has been that I just haven't been motivated to do this.
The situation is exacerbated by the fact that as I have been praying over the last year and a half about vocation, I keep being impressed by one word. 'Write.' My response to this voice has been, 'Ok! Great! Uh, write what?' That's a pretty big question. If God wants someone to write, you'd think that there would be some kind of follow-up. "Ok, now here is the inspiration. I have a project in mind and I want you to get 'er done! Write this....."
Well, that's not how it works, apparently. Recently, however, I have been motivated to move forward. With what, I'm not sure. But, since it's harder to hit a moving target, I thought I'd better get to locomoting. I've set a deadline of May 31st to have a project set. Not sure if it will be fiction, non-fiction, poetry or a 'project to be named later.'
That's where I am this morning. Fortunately, I am on vacation for the next 10 days. Who knows what the next week will bring? Already, this A.M. I had a memory return to the front of my brain. A memory of adolescent love. Hmmm.... For those who know me well, this could be a dangerous endeavor. But, one must follow where the muse leads, I guess.
I'll try to update this blog from time-to-time about this leg of my journey. But, getting the brain and hands to communicate can sometimes prove problematic. We'll see. After all, it is a journey...not a project.

Arrogance of Medical Doctors Ticks Me Off

I'm sure that many folks in this country have experienced this. You ask a doctor a question and they, condescendingly, ask what your medical background is. Like whatever they may say is so far above your puny comprehension that they cannot be bothered with such things. Or, you tell a doctor that the course of treatment they are taking is not working. They say, 'Trust me'. They think that they cannot possibly be mistaken. After all, they have gone to medical school and done their residency and now are gods that can pronounce truth and justice to the uneducated minions.
I've had this happen to me twice. The first time my mother had just had a very serious surgery. One of the pieces of equipment that was designed to safeguard her failed. Because of that, the doctors gave her too much fluid and almost killed her. During her recovery I went to the attending physician and asked about her condition. He looked at me and asked me what my medical experience was. I looked at him and said that I didn't have any. I was the concerned family member that he was going to talk to...NOW! That got his attention and he took pains to explain what was happening. As a result, we moved my mother to a facility that was far better equipped to help her.
This past week another doctor tried to impress with her vast medical knowledge and experience. My father has been in a skilled nursing facility for rehab from surgery. During his stay he became restless and, as the staff reported, combative. I can see that. He has dementia and doesn't understand much of what is going on around him. The staff physician prescribed a medication that was supposed to settle him down. After a couple days, we noticed that he was becoming agitated and unresponsive. We asked to review his meds and found one that could cause the symptoms we observed. When I questioned the doctor, she assured me that the meds were safe. There was nothing about them that could cause what we were observing. The problem was, we KNEW his behavior. We have been attending to him for the last year and are very aware of all of his issues. What we were seeing was something drastically new and dangerous. We continued to question the doctor. She continued to tell us to 'trust' her judgement. Finally, after more than a week, the doctor started to take us seriously. We had told her and the nursing staff that Dad's behavior was abnormal and most likely caused by the meds he was getting. (Now, it helps that I'm married to a Nurse who deals with these meds. She was instrumental in helping us get our message across to the attending staff. But, what about everyone else who does NOT have someone to help?)
Anyway, the doc discontinued the medication that we suspected was causing problems. Gee, after one day Dad's condition has improved. Whodathunkit?
My point in this rant is that medical professionals, particularly M.D.s, cop an attitude of omniscience that only Yahweh can claim. Family and friends, those who are with the patients day after day, can help when it comes to abrupt and drastic changes in behavior and condition. For these doctors to simply blow off our concerns and observations is simply arrogance. Arrogance that could very well cause harm. Perhaps they should read the Oath again...I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone.

I wish that I could be a Worker-Bee

There are times when I wish that I could just be a worker bee. Give me a task and let me do it. No thought. No reflection. Just action. I'd be happy just to do my job and fulfill everyone's expectations. But, I'm not. I require reasons and some kind of purpose to do things. I expect some sort of fulfillment in the work that I do. I cannot simply do what I am told. I don't respect authority that cannot prove that it has a right to exist. Titles, (like pastor, elder, senator, president), mean nothing to me. Rank, be it class, race, or gender is a useless designation. For me, respect matters. Servant leadership by peers matters. Goals matter. Money, prestige and power will automatically turn me against the source. No, I'm no worker bee. I'm an adversary.
There are some folks can simply choose to follow the rules and live a "godly" life. They go to work every day and live quietly and, I guess, contentedly. Then, there are those like me. We are agitated. And, we agitate. We do not have peace. We are driven to excess. We are not satisfied. (Please, don't come to me with any kind of status quo argument. You won't even get a hearing.) But, for many like me, there is no clear direction. There is no place for our energy to go. Consequently, we are the frustrated ones. We are depressed. We are the ones that folks talk about when they say 'melancholy.' And, all too often we let that paralyze us. With no clear direction, we sit...and, not very patiently. What I do know is that as I sit here with no outlet for the passion that God has built into me. A passion that roils and churns like magma looking for a weak spot to vent. If I can't find such a place, I am in danger of exploding with catastrophic results.
Those like me drive fast and live hard. We read the scripture and see God's passion and relentless love on the pages. We do not 'get' the forensic crap that many of our fellow travelers take for granted. We certainly DO NOT view the scripture as some kind of "users' manual." To reduce the Word of God to such a utilitarian 'to do' list is quite simply bull-oney. We see Jesus willing to heal. Jesus, the One who accepted women and lepers and pharisees and tax collectors. We can see ourselves in the Good Samaritan. Now, there was a person who disregarded the conventions of the day and did what was right. We get 'pissed off' at people who want to quote some kind of dogmatic position that makes someone...anyone...seem less than human. We don't buy into ANY legalistic position that doesn't take into consideration the fact that we are dust and, somehow, Yahweh still loves us.
I don't know why God has made me, as a fellow traveler described, a Poet & a Lunatic. Someone who sees faces in the clouds and who takes a sideways glance at the supposed solid things in the cosmos. Someone who enjoys a good problem to solve and a taste of good Irish triple distilled. But, one thing I am quite sure of...I am not a worker bee.

Be Still and Know that I Am God

Be still and know that I am God.
I get up in the morning and rush to eat and get my coffee
Be still and know that I am God.
Hurriedly, I take 1 hour, no more, no less for prayer and meditation
Be still and know that I am God.
Throw food in a bag a run off to the salt mine
Be still and know that I am God.
Put out imaginary fires and ping-ping like a Balley ball
Be still and know that I am God.
70 MPH home to workout, feed Bill, eat, crash...crash...crash
Be still and know that I am God.
Sleep, dream, toss, awaken................
I get up in the morning and rush to eat and get my coffee
Be still and know that I am God.

International Women's Day

I was going to wait until tomorrow to get into this topic. But, I found out that today is International Women's Day. So, I thought better of it and am going to share this now. One of the things that I've been trying work through for the past few years is the idea of egalitarianism. It's more than abundantly clear that the Biblical witness testifies to the equality of gender. There is no longer any male or female in the body of Christ. We are all Yahweh's children. As such, we are compelled to love and respect one another as equal beneficiaries of God's grace and mercy. That's why it breaks my heart to read reports such as this:
http://news.yahoo.com/half-girls-south-sudan-forced-marry-140334618.html
We talk about equality in this country. Yet, we are mostly ignorant of what happens in other parts of the world. It seems inconceivable, (yes, I like The Princess Bride), that this kind of activity can still happen in the 21st century. It should be! Yet, in many parts of the world women and girls are considered property for the benefit of the male population, bought and sold like cattle. As Christ followers, we are under a mandate to express God's love to ALL creation. Hey, folks...that includes women. Yet, we in the West tend to gravitate to hot button issues like abortion and education and 2nd amendment crap, while real, human, flesh and blood females are being treated worse than many of us would treat our pets. I don't know about y'all, but I cannot sit idly by and do/say nothing. This must end!

Thoughts...

Humanity marches ever onward.
Tho there are no more lands to conquer,
No people to displace,
No new territories to plant our banners,
No fauna to drive to extinction,
No minerals to exploit and deplete,
No place left to spread our disease.
Gone, the proud people of the Land,

Gone, the free Range,
Gone, the mighty Bison stampeding o'er the plain,
Gone, the trees and woodland creatures,
Gone, the innocence of this place.
O, virgin continent!
Lost to the ravishing of the rapist who overpowered you
And took Your virginity.
Exploited for a moment's gratification...
Left lying in your own blood.

Things that I’m just tired of…

It’s the end of 2012. Ok, big, fat, hairy deal. Qoheleth was right when he wrote that there is nothing new under the sun. But, as this year ends I’ve been impressed upon to blog about things that I’ve grown tired of. Things that, although unchanging, have caused a change in my perception and in my heart. Maybe tomorrow I’ll write about things that I do look forward to.
1. Scholars kicking dead horses. I follow several blogs written by biblical scholars. These folks represent many positions; evangelical, progressive, Roman Catholic, Orthodox, etc. Two of the biggest issues that seem to be consuming these scholars are issues of Biblical inerrancy and Adam. Now, I realize the emotions that get involved whenever these are discussed can get quite heated. But, these issues do not further the Kingdom, nor do they bring edification. They are contentious and divisive. I think that we can live together in God’s love and still hold diverse opinions.

2. Public figures who think that it’s ok to use their celebrity to tell everyone what God thinks. I have in mind two people in particular. One is a well-known politician, the other a well-known media host and psychologist. Neither of these men are theologians. Neither of them, as far as I know, holds any kind of advanced degree in Biblical studies. Yet, they both feel quite comfortable speaking out on these issues. I promise not to tell the one how to be a professional politician nor the other how to analyze people psychologically. I would love to have them and others like them, do likewise and shut up about issues that they really know nothing about. God does not hate fags and is not pouring out retributive judgment.

3. White men who are leaders of the church talking about ‘training up the next generation.’ Yeah, it sounds good, but there are more things wrong about this statement than I can state. First, what is the next generation? From what I see in the scriptures any generation includes all those who are living at any given time. The idea of  “generations” really came into vogue in the 1960s when the “younger generation” was taking the “older generation” to task over socio-political ideas. These became the “boomers,” followed by “busters” and Gen Xers and…well, a whole host of other names that do littlie other than divide and classify people. Also, the so-called next generation always seems to be thirty something white males. That just smacks of discrimination. And, these guys really have no intention of turning over the reins of control. But, it looks good to say it. If they really want to make a positive and inclusive move, they should include people who are in their teens and up in leadership, both female and male. Stop with the spiritual sounding platitudes. No one’s listening.

4. I’m tired of printing. I’ve been at this trade for over 40 years and I never have liked it. It is leeching the life out of me.

5. I’m tired of copping out. When I express my displeasure with my vocation many people tell me to quit. My stock response has been that I can’t because I’ve grown accustomed to eating. Meaning, I need the money. Simple fear and distrust have held me to this life for too long. More on this later.

5. I’m tired of fear driving my life. In one of my journals I listed things that I fear. They are many and they paralyze. John the elder wrote that perfect love casts out all fear. I am beginning to learn that. But, that road is a long and difficult one. It can generate more fear. With God’s grace, that is going to change.

6. I’m tired of living my life according to everyone else’s definition and expectation. I say and do things in order to please everyone at the expense of my own calling. I am who God, the Gracious Creator, made me. If I can’t be true to myself in that calling, I can’t be true to anyone.

Oh, well, I guess that’s enough for now. Thanks for letting me vent a little.

Oh, and…Happy New Year!

endings and new beginnings

Well, it's Labor Day weekend. The accepted, if not astronomical, end of summer. And, in many ways, I'm glad. This summer has been a difficult one for me. There have been a lot of changes in my life. Not all of them pleasant.
I started in a new position at work. After 36 years as a prepress specialist I am now part of the company's E-Commerce team. This is a challenge in that I am dealing with a particular customer's needs in real time. (Actually, a really short amount of time ;o) It requires immediate action. Sometimes, as old and feeble as I am, that's difficult. I am also charged with integrating the online needs of the customer with our prepress and production departments. The plus is, I'm out of prepress and am getting a tad more money. The downside, it's still printing. While I've been in printing a long time, (41 years), it's not my passion. I've been trained for Christian ministry. I earned a Master of Divinity from Ashland; graduating with high honors, (thanks be to Yahweh). Not that I want to toot my own horn, but it was a pretty significant accomplishment. And, I believe a fulfillment of a calling God made to me 40 years ago. Ok, I'm a slow learner. BTW...if anyone is hiring out there, I'm open to talk about it.
Another thing about this summer has been the difficulty I have had really connecting with God. From about the time I had a heart attack last November until some time in June, I had experienced a dynamic relationship with God in prayer and in daily life. It was good and growing. However, sometime in late June/early July, things became a bit more tenuous. I found that passions and desires I thought long dead were resurrected. Prayer became difficult. Although I slogged through it, the time could be what St. John of the Cross described as the "Dark night of the soul." The ensuing period of time was not just dry, it became a trial of faithfulness. But, Yahweh is faithfulness. I am now, thankfully, finding my way back. Paul's writings in Romans has been of great help and comfort. Maybe I'll write more about that later.
In late June my wife and I received a notice from the I.R.S. They were disallowing a deduction I had taken on my 2010 return for college tuition. Now, no one EVER wants to hear from the all-powerful I.R.S. They said we owed a fairly substantial sum in taxes and penalties. I got out the documentation that I had received from the university and sent a copy back with a form stating that I did not agree with them and was not sending payment. I was, at best, apprehensive about our chances of prevailing. I spent the next couple months trying to figure out how we were going to pay after they decided against us. Such is the fear that this department of the government instills in its citizenry. Anyway, yesterday I received a letter from them. I put it on my desk, unopened, until this A.M. When I opened it, it stated that they thanked me for the additional documentation and the inquiry was now closed. We owed $0. Yes, Yahweh is good! But, it would be easy for me to take the position that it was my answer to the I.R.S. that made the issue go away. After all, what I did was no different that what any other person in the U.S. would have done. There was nothing 'miraculous' or magical about it. I simply did the responsible thing. This is the area that, I think, many people find gray. Was it the grace of Yahweh, or simply the act of a human? Too many Christ-followers would look at this in some magical, super-spiritual sense and totally miss the fact that God inspires people to act like people should. Justice; faithfulness; righteousness. They are all attributes of humans that God desires us to use. I was simply being faithful to God in finances and seeking justice from the government. Welcome to the Yeshua-do...the "Way of Yeshua." If I've learned anything this summer, it's that Yahweh works through the ordinary. We humans are to live in the ordinary and to "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting" (Ps. 118:1).Or, something like that.
I'm looking forward to the Fall. It's my favorite season. I think that the righteousness of God as it has been displayed through the faithfulness of Jesus will continue to reveal itself in my, and my family's lives. In spite of a half-empty Summer, the Fall is beginning to look half-full.

36 and counting

Today my wife and I are celebrating 36 years of marriage.
Honestly, I didn't think we'd make it this far.
As much as I tried to mess it up, God's grace and my wife's
committed stubbornness kept it going.
Now, we are doing pretty well and today is a real celebration.
Maybe Carrabba's for dinner...

Some times are just difficult

I've been away for a few days. Sometimes life happens and our nice routines get disrupted. Then, it takes awhile to adjust and get back into form, or maybe a different form. Over the past couple weeks my dad has been ill. As he has gotten older, as it is for all of us, the physical systems start to wear. This has been a source of concern for me and my family. We are trying to adjust to new demands and responsibilities, while maintaining all of the old ones. I'm sure that there are many others out there dealing with similar issues.
How do we make the transition to care givers for aging parents and other family? There are probably as many opinions about this as there are people living through the experience. There will be those who state that it is the childrens' responsibility to return care to those who gave care for so many years. Others may have the opinion that professionals should be retained to help with care. After all, none of us are really trained in recognizing and meeting the needs of aging adults. I'm sure there are some who hold that the cycle of life simply requires that family care for family; it is the natural response.
I don't know for sure. This is pretty new for me. I feel that I missed out on some of this while my mom was alive. She was cared for in a professional setting with my dad by her side all of the way. I did not feel it was necessary to watch her closely. Now, I do have some regrets that I was not more involved. Yet, another part of me wants to keep this mortality at arms' length. I don't want to get to close to the messiness that any relationship can bring, let alone that of someone nearing the finish line. (See, neat little metaphors rather than simply stating the reality.)
Anyway, it looks like things are changing. I guess that's the way of it. Not always easy, but hey, no one every said it would be.

Super Tuesday

Well, it's Super Tuesday for the GOP. I'm not all that politically minded. These elections generally turn me off. The endless ads for and against this or that candidate and the spins that each puts on their positions does little to kindle any interest. This year's presidential election is especially, well, "Yawn." The GOP has no one. Romney, who in all likelihood, will eventually win the nomination is simply not fit. His background in business is not enough to qualify him to stand at the fore and represent the U.S. in the world. The biggest hump to get over with him, though, is that he represents the continuation of white patriarchy at its worst. The statements that he has made regarding the poor are a huge red flag. Not only in this country, but the poor and oppressed around the world need a person in the White House with compassion and empathy. Neither of these appear to be in Mitt's vocabulary. Romney brings an isolationism and extension of American Exclusiveness that cannot be healthy in the continuity diminution of the international stage. Again, I can't stress it enough, Mitt's Not Fit.

And in this corner...

I love reading the work of good scholars. Especially, journal articles. These folks are virtually always responding to someone else's idea or positions. The most fun is when they disagree with one another. So and so is 'contra' the other so and so. And, they always have well thought our reasons why they are right and the other wrong. The banter between these will-trained professionals gives me hope that, like the blind squirrel, I may find an acorn once in a while.
The one missing element, however, is who is asking themselves, 'What if I'm wrong'? The other person is assuredly wrong. But, what about me? Can I quickly back-pedal and make it look I was right, thus saving face? Or, can I say, "Yes, I was wrong. Thank you for helping me see that." I would hope that I could.
But, I really hope that the Battle of the Ph.D keeps up...it's more entertaining than the W.W.F.

Mitt, what are you thinking?

Ok, so maybe I'm not very bright. But, in an interview with Soledad O'Brien after his primary victory in Florida, Mitt Romney made a statement that, if it's truly how he feels, I hope will cost him any chance at becoming President. The statement, while qualified, was that he was not focused on the very poor or the very rich in this country. The reasons? The poor have a 'safety net' and the rich are just fine.
What safety net? Yes, there are government programs like medicaid and food stamps. But, they're still poor with no realistic hope of ever becoming anything other than poor. This imaginary safety net idea reminds me of a scene in the movie "The Greatest Show on Earth" in which a flyer tries to show off and cuts the, yep, safety net down. He missed a grasp and fell, the imprint of the useless net embedded on his broken body.
Romney, while touting this 'thing,' stated that if it's broken he'll fix it. How, Mitt? You have stated that your focus is not on these people. Why should we believe that, as president, you will have any concern for them?
No, Mr. Romney. You can keep making your millions and remain isolated from the people of this country. I, for one, will not support you. I will do whatever I can to see you defeated.
For any who cares, here is a link to the interview:

http://cnn.com/video/?/video/politics/2012/02/01/point-romney-poor-safety-net.cnn

Letter from a former slave

I found this letter in a news item from Yahoo. I have no idea if it's authenticity has been determined. However, it does display the resilience and strength of people that were at one time treated as chattel. I especially appreciate the humor.
It's important to note that at no time does the writer indicate that he wished to take retribution for the treatment inflicted on him and his family. This is one point that I have seen reiterated time and again by the womanists. While they have strong feelings about justice for everyone, there is never an indication that revenge is an option.
Please, take time to read the letter:
http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/01/to-my-old-master.html

On the road again...

It's Friday. For many in the west Friday is a day of preparation. Preparation to kick back and enjoy the weekend. Songs that raise this day of the week to near holiday status have been sung by the working weary for ages. For me, it's another day. Not because I have to work weekends. But, all of the days just kind of blur together. However, this Friday is a tad different. I will be flying to San Diego to help my daughter move. Now, going to southern California, where it's forecast to be in the low 60's sounds great to someone living where it's currently about 17 degrees with a forecast high of about 21. Gotta luv winter...not.
Anyway, I will be away for several days traveling. If I can find a spot where there's wifi I will try to get to this blog and update. But, if not, I will be back sometime next week.
To any who happen to actually visit here, God's blessings on you!

Another slow day at the old homestead

Yesterday I got to go see my cardiologist. Heart attacks are no fun. He didn't say much. I think he was having a rough day. One thing about having heart issues like this is that I have slowed down. I don't move quite so fast because things that made me run around like an idiot just aren't all that important. I have, so far, lost almost 30 lbs. That's a good thing. I walk an hour each day, (at least I try). ;o)
I guess I'm doing all that I can right now. Part of the reason for that is that by all rights I should have died on Nov. 3. My LAD, the main artery supplying blood to my left ventricle was 100% blocked. They call that one the "widow maker." Well, my wife is not a widow...yet. God, for whatever reason, saw fit to let me hang out on this rock for a little while longer. So, I figure I should do my part.

Slow day

It's been a slow day here at the old homestead. Usually, something throughout the day jumps at me and I reflect on it and write a quick blurb. Not so much today. I'm still mulling over material for more on the devil made me do it. That's proving to be a fairly large undertaking. I'm not going to do a full-blown scholarly look at it. Mostly, it will be from first-hand experience of meeting this being in my own stroll through the desert. Not a fun time. But, enlightening nonetheless.
Besides, I had to go to the dentist today. I could think of about 200 things I would have rather done. Eating worms comes to mind.
A quick quote from Joyce Huggett in Spiritual Classics: Selected Readings on the Twelve Spiritual Disciplines. This is a book that I have found helpful for quiet time devoted to the Savior.
"We meditate to give God's words the opportunity to penetrate, not just our minds, but our emotions - the places where we hurt - and our will - the place where we make choices and decisions. We meditate to encounter the Living Word, Jesus himself. We meditate so that every part of our being, our thoughts and our affections and our ambitions, are turned to face and honour and glorify him. Yet another reason for learning to meditate is so that we may become conversant with the will of God..."
Building the connections is how Brian McLaren puts it. We build connections of communication with the Source of our very lives through meditation and other disciplines. Yes, studying and the academy are important. However, it's more important to have a living, vibrant relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

The more we change, the more we remain the same

One of my favorite professors at Ashland, John Byron, posted the following: http://thebiblicalworld.blogspot.com/2011/12/peace-on-earth-good-will-towards-men.html

It seems that even in a sacred place, at a sacred time, those who have set themselves apart for a sacred duty cannot behave any differently than anyone else. It is sad, as well as telling. People are people, regardless of what their vocation. While some may state that hanging their dirty laundry out for the world to see is an embarrassment to the Church. I see it as an opportunity for people to reveal their humanity and humility. Like I wrote in an earlier post, Christ followers are no different than any other people. We still need to work to behave civilly. And, when we don't, we need to apologize and make appropriate modifications to our behavior.

Some days it's better just to stay in bed

One of the things about being a Christ follower is that people expect you to always have good days and be in good spirits. There's something about the way culture and society think about God as having some miraculous control over the emotions of anyone who claims to be a christian. Well, for those of us who have slogged through the muck of everyday life the reality is different. We have the same tolerances for ignorance, bullying, unrealistic schedules, missed buses as anyone else walking around in a meat suit. Somedays just suck. Today's one of them.
Yes, as a Christ follower I will take  these cares, worries, concerns, foibles etc. to my prayer closet where I'll vent my frustrations to the One who really gives a damn and will inhale...exhale.....inhale.....exhale....until I'm quite chilled.